MY SAD NOT SO SAD ADVENTURE
So I am at the counter. I am ready to go to Portugal. I have my suitcase full of stuff for 14 days. I give the receptionist my passport, and all is good. I’m thinking I am getting into the plane, all is good, and then all of the sudden these fears start to come up…
I pretend all is good, I am telling myself I am flying today, all is good. However, the minute I start to feel the fear I distract myself. I start to pretend this is not happening. I start moving things in my purse, my jacket, putting things in my suitcase and handbag and all kinds of things.
And then she says what I fear, “Let me check–one second…”
I was ‘in’, but all of a sudden, I wasn’t.
The supervisor comes, then the superior comes, and they all say the same thing: “You cannot get onto this plane. We cannot let you in because Portugal doesn’t allow anyone with a passport that expires in less than three months.”
My passport expires next week….
No news there.
My plan was to have my husband and my mom, who are meeting me in Portugal next week, to bring my new passport because I know its coming—its on the route.
Ahhhh… I’m not getting in.
And so I sit, realizing my fear has come through—it has become alive.
See, two months prior to this moment, I came back from Costa Rica and the immigration officer said, “FYI, your passport is expiring in two months.”
I’m like, “Thank you, noted. Perhaps I’m going to become a citizen instead.”
His response was, “Yeah, do that!”
I laughed and said, “Whooo! That’s a lot of enthusiasm!”
I got back home and I got “distracted” with moving, packing—I’m packing and setting up my new home. While all of this was happening, in the back of my mind is this thing that says, “You got to go get the passport, right?”
I’m going through life and all of a sudden it is now two weeks prior the time I am leaving for Portugal.
See, it had happened to me before that when my passport had expired and I didn’t realize until I was at the airport, the consulate was able to get it in one day.
So I figured this time that if I go seven days, or two weeks prior, I shall be fine. And yet, something on my insides was telling me, “I don’t know, I wouldn’t be so sure…”
When I got to the consulate they tell me that the process takes about 15 to 30 days because the procedure has changed and they cannot do it any faster.
After that I was terrified! I could see that already myself—I was playing already this ‘movie’, that I would not be able to travel and that my mom and husband had bought tickets and then they wouldn’t travel because I wasn’t traveling…
So after all this vision and my fears had come through, in my vision, I went to a couple of my support groups, I told them to help me visualize my desired outcome, me holding the passport on time and flying flawlessly.
I did all the energetic work to have a different reality. Yet I never was able to shift that fear. I pretended and pretended. I’m like “No, I’m seeing myself traveling with no problem”.
So I’m sitting here realizing that fear has come back to pass. What do I do? What is there to do? Who do I contact? And then I hear my guidance saying “Go home, watch a movie, relax, tomorrow is another day”.
I’m calm… I reach out to one of my girlfriends and say, “Love, please hold space for me”. And as I’m talking with her, my ego comes out, very very upset. I’ve done all the work. I am constant. I am faithful. I am committed. I did the energetic work and nothing has changed and still the fear has come to pass.
In that moment I see myself.
I JUST WANT TO EAT.
EAT EVERYTHING THAT I DON’T EAT.
AND JUST FORGET ABOUT IT—CHECK OUT, MMM
I see myself in this pivotal moment, I could choose to just numb-out myself. Eat as much as I can, not to feel anything in my body, or I can choose to listen to what my body really loves to be fed with, organic raw food.
This is an ‘IT’ moment. What do I choose?”
I took an Uber back home and I’m thinking, I’m going to buy the chicken because my mom has been wanting to try this chicken for a while and then what will I choose for myself? I thought, I will have some but I will be very conscious about it. I’m not going to overeat. I’m going to have just enough to try it and I’m going to be very conscious that this is not to numb myself out, but actually to just taste it, have it, receive it in the highest vibration. I’m choosing that this will not numb me out. I’m choosing that this still will allow me to feel fully the following day.
I do that, I choose to eat consciously and I hung out as guidance had recommended.
The next day, everything started to come out.
I was fine—not so fine.
I started to be very upset and I felt my heart with a shield—like the emotions wanted to come out and I couldn’t. My mom was around and I’m making the excuse that because of my mom I cannot dive into those emotions.
So I pray that my mom leaves the house and in the meantime, they are kind of coming out—anger, resentment, pissy, sadness and I am kind of feeling them but also kind of repressing them.
My mom leaves the house to go for a walk. Now I don’t have anymore excuses.
I start to process and I ask and I pray and I call on all the Spiritual Teams and I call on my avatar, my soul, my Divine to help me process because I don’t understand why this happened. I don’t understand. I want to feel and I want to be able to make it in the best way possible—in the most harmonious way. Perhaps there is an easier way, in the sense of do I really have to go through all the story and the feelings, and I just left it open.
As I dive into feeling, I scream and I cry for a little bit… It wasn’t as bad as I thought, and soon I realized why it had happened. I realized that I—just the morning prior while I was packing— I kept running through my mind, “I don’t even know why I am going. I’m going on this trip and I don’t even know if I want to be there. I don’t even know if I want to be in this event”. Truth, I didn’t even know if I want to be in Portugal.
I didn’t get to go because I focused on the energy of my not making sense to go and that is because I did not set my intention!
ME, the Queen of intention, did not set my intention what I wanted to gain or why I was going. So here, I created this! I’m not going because I didn’t know.
However, as I know how the subconscious works I kept diving in. I asked myself, “Why did I not set my intention? Why I don’t want to go?” I wanted to go when I first got this opportunity. What’s going on?
Finally the truth came out.
And this is what I want to share with you.
If you want anything to happen in the most amazing and harmonious way, first set your intention. But then realize if you are or you are not setting it, what is in the way?
I did not set the intention because the truth is, this is a pivotal moment for me. It was time for me to actually own who I am even deeper. The truth of who I am, the Divine Creator, Source Energy in this physical form.
So me going on this trip, it meant that I was going to show up in my full creation. It meant that it was now time for me, as I have been saying it for months and months and months, and I still haven’t really embraced that I CREATE.
That every single person in my existence, every single experience is that I’m the one creating. I’m the one painting the canvas. And yet, as much as I have been diving into this truth, I was here in this moment realizing that I was afraid to pull everyone and say—to pull, attract everyone and say—that I’m the creator and I’m here to help activate and become and embody this creator that you are.
So see, as I dove in, I realize that there was so much fear about owning this power. This power this is my truth that I am the Divine.
I dove into the depth of my subconscious and the journey of my soul to the moment where I had created this fear. I saw myself so, so, so POWERFUL.
And of course, I had played from the human perspective, the ‘wrong way’, and yet, always the Divine, always being the Divine. Source Energy has it all. And in this human perspective I was wrong. And so I faced the truth that I was so scared to own my power, my true power, because of my misperception, my human judgment.
My love, in what places are you still not totally owning your truth, totally owning that in reality you truly are so, so powerful. So powerful that at this moment you’re actually creating all those blocks, all those lies, all those perceptions so you don’t own who you are, so you don’t own your gifts, so you don’t own your magic, so you don’t own the actual transformation that you are, the actual change maker that you are.
IT IS TIME
It is time for you to realize that, yeah, it is real to fear that you are super powerful, very real to fear your power, but very real from the perspective of that experience because there is only one truth and that is the you ARE the Divine and that you are truly, truly Source Consciousness and that everything in your experience, everything in the world, you are creating.
I invite you to set your intention, a strong intention, and be courageous and be brave to dive, to truly dive into that fear—whatever fear—whether you are aware
or not, that does not allow you to have, right now, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING that you are meant to have.
The amazing relationship.
The millionaire experience.
The ease of creation.
The infinite joy in your body.
The exquisite pleasure of your senses.
And still be fully the Divine in this body.
Now is your time, my love.
Now is the time.
What are you waiting for?
Comment, email me back. Let’s bounce. What do you think is in your way and are you ready to break through that?
I love you, my Divine Human.
I’ll see you soon.